Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I could fuck to npr.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
