I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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