cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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