I just cut my nipple shaving
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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