I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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