Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
