oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
