piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize