I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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