I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
