i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
