Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
