just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
