when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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