i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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