I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
