I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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