Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
