I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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