saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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