i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
