So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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