I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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