it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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