He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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