You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
