who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
