Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
