i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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