I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
