drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
