I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
