I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
