He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
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Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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