Michael Bay diarrhea
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
