You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
