My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
