Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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