Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
