So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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