im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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