I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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