I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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