I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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