I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize