Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
love makes seman taste better
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
