im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?