I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
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in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
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I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.