I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
