He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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