She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.