my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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