my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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