He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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