I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
