My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
A+ Viking dick
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
