I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
