Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
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She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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