Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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