____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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