her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
