Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
