Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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