I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
