You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
