i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
