dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I understand Curling. That high.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
