No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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