I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
