I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
