i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize