It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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