i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
