Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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