The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
