Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
