Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
