I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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