So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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