if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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