I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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