By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Sober January is a disaster.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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