I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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