a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
